2024-11-13
2024-11-08
2024-01-18
la diferencia es que la valentía lo puso en un lugar incómodo. Digo, aparentemente, siempre estuvo en ese lugar incómodo, pero no estaba consciente de estar ahí. La valentía le hizo saber a él y a ella, que, aparentemente, ni él sabía que estaba posicionándose en ese lugar, de que efectívamente él se encontraba en ese lugar. La cobardía lo mantenía seguro, casi con una ingénua valía.
2020-02-28
2017-07-08
Victims of Causality (2013)
seems so easy
To pretend
to pretend not to be pretending to be pretending that I
Do not care
It actually is
Everyone is so
gullible
Those who are not
Do not care
so it is always the same
Around me
Or far from me
seems so easy
it is not
To be deprived from it
from the ilusion of it
What is it that makes it a necessity?
a Social construct? Instinct?
Almost everything seems so lifeless and colorless
Like it does not have any meaning whatsoever
It has been that way
for a while
For years
It has meaning
It has an irrelevant meaning
It lacks a meaning
It does not have meaning
It is all the same, instinct
or whatever
Indicating me
notsmartnothandsomenotuniquenotimportant
it is funny, actually
My drive or whatever never seems to think that
I am dumb, and ugly, and common, and unimportant
I am nothing, not the same as nobody
I am an average, mean, middle
Born in the middle
First came the talented
After me came the popular
Sometimes I think that writing stuff here will change something
People often say that writing helps your soul heal
Sadly, I have realised it does not help me at all
I just write because I am
Sick of something
I expect something to happen
I do not know wtf am I wating for
I do not know what I want
I really am floating right now
If I am sad or happy, it does not last
Every good or bad feeling is
(eventually)
replaced by a kind of anxiety,
a VOID
Nothing I do is helpful, or bad
IT is just nothing, not non-existent,
meaningless
I just hope the days pass by in
such a way that, by the end, hopefully no one will
be mad, or dissapointed at me
etc etc etc
In the end I am just a kid
a notsmartnothandsomenotuniquenotimportant kid
a piece of nothingness
unable to create anything meaningful,
I do not know what to think sometimes
Family's love comes very cheaply
You just have to be born and that is it
My mother
(empty space)
My brothers
They all say the best things
They are either blinded by our relationship
or they all pity me.
Either way, it does not matter
My family is alive
I have not killed people, No one has forced me to steal,
And I still feel like garbage
Literally, I still feel as if I were the most unfortunate person on earth,
the only one with feelings such as these
And worst of all, I believe that it will all change someday
and I cannot unthink that
I HATE BEING so ignorant
I hATe that feeling, I hate that feeling so much, I hate being ignorant, I hate knowing
absolutely NOTHING about anything
As of 7:20 8/07/2017-5:45 13/02/2018 I am feeling as if nothing would could should ever change,
cannot think cannot write properly, all of this means nothing
nothing means anything at all
so disgusting, so horrible, a pest, a little piece of disgusting humanity
limping around pretending
terrible hair
terrible height
terrible composure
disgusting expressions
the least imposing build I have ever seen
It all means nothing really, and at the same time
I could not be more bothered by it
But it does not matter BUT IT DOES AND it does not all at the same time
but to me it matters a lot though it should not
because I am going to get hurt
I am going to suffer
The best way for mediocre and pathetic and average and unpeople like me
is not to expect anything, ever. SOMetimes I want to punch my face so hard
or throw myself at full force to the wall, or SIMPLY STOP EXISTING WHY is it so hard at moments
I do not even feel sad
I love feeling special in my averageness, and I hate it when special people try to be me
Trying to "nihilise" things, they have their lives, they have their special ones, but still they try to feel sad because they themselves suck so much oh my god I really hate them why do they have to exist I wish they did not exist that way I could be really unique in my unimportantness, they have their pills and their non existent sicknesess pretending that nothing matters while showing that everything matters to them
THEY ARE LIERS
THEY LOVE PEOPLE, THEN THEY SAY THAT NOTHING HAS MEANING
THEN THEY GO TO WORK, THEN THEY DO THEIR stupid things oh god my body itches
it itches with anger ANGer and RAGE and I do not know why I have this stupid face and anything else matters. THEY ARE SO FAKE THEY DO NOT KNOW ANYTHING
I really HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HATE THEM
I sometimes want to make my face disappear in a non-painful way
Sometimes I have the most beautiful thoughts about everything
And I think I will be this important person who is an engineer and that knows a lot of math
That is my dream sometimes, sometimes I can truly believe that
Sometimes I want to stop writing.
at all, because that is the best way of coping with mediocrity, to believe it all is something SO so so important but it isnt you just suck so much but you cant accept it, you have to pin the blame onto something or someone else and try to procrastinate as much as you can because that way you dont have to deal with being such a failure you can just say "I haven't even tried" but in reality you knew it, all along you knew you didn't have the abilities you didnt stand a chance at being someone useful to someone, my only usefulness right now is that my mother loves me and I have to be alive so that she is not sad, and I have to fulfil that role, but sometimes it is tiring because either she is stupid or she is blind or she is just the biggest and evilest lier there is in this world and she tells me everything I know to be true is a lie, and I hate it, it makes me want to believe again, to be loved by a girl, to practice sports, but no one will love me, no one and maybe it all comes down to it, I am incable of being loved because I suck so much, I truly am a good for nothing human being, the only thing I am good at is at being stepped on and to please people, nothing else every other characteristic I possess is just plain bad and horrible and stupid. Nothing relevant physically, a doormat, A zero, a fucking loser oh my God I am such a loser, I pretend to be smart, I pretend to be better but I am worse than all of them, I really exist just to make people seem better than they are, I exist to make things easier to everyone but me. THANK YOU SO MUCH
To pretend
to pretend not to be pretending to be pretending that I
Do not care
It actually is
Everyone is so
gullible
Those who are not
Do not care
so it is always the same
Around me
Or far from me
seems so easy
it is not
To be deprived from it
from the ilusion of it
What is it that makes it a necessity?
a Social construct? Instinct?
Almost everything seems so lifeless and colorless
Like it does not have any meaning whatsoever
It has been that way
for a while
For years
It has meaning
It has an irrelevant meaning
It lacks a meaning
It does not have meaning
It is all the same, instinct
or whatever
Indicating me
notsmartnothandsomenotuniquenotimportant
it is funny, actually
My drive or whatever never seems to think that
I am dumb, and ugly, and common, and unimportant
I am nothing, not the same as nobody
I am an average, mean, middle
Born in the middle
First came the talented
After me came the popular
Sometimes I think that writing stuff here will change something
People often say that writing helps your soul heal
Sadly, I have realised it does not help me at all
I just write because I am
Sick of something
I expect something to happen
I do not know wtf am I wating for
I do not know what I want
I really am floating right now
If I am sad or happy, it does not last
Every good or bad feeling is
(eventually)
replaced by a kind of anxiety,
a VOID
Nothing I do is helpful, or bad
IT is just nothing, not non-existent,
meaningless
I just hope the days pass by in
such a way that, by the end, hopefully no one will
be mad, or dissapointed at me
etc etc etc
In the end I am just a kid
a notsmartnothandsomenotuniquenotimportant kid
a piece of nothingness
unable to create anything meaningful,
I do not know what to think sometimes
Family's love comes very cheaply
You just have to be born and that is it
My mother
(empty space)
My brothers
They all say the best things
They are either blinded by our relationship
or they all pity me.
Either way, it does not matter
My family is alive
I have not killed people, No one has forced me to steal,
And I still feel like garbage
Literally, I still feel as if I were the most unfortunate person on earth,
the only one with feelings such as these
And worst of all, I believe that it will all change someday
and I cannot unthink that
I HATE BEING so ignorant
I hATe that feeling, I hate that feeling so much, I hate being ignorant, I hate knowing
absolutely NOTHING about anything
As of 7:20 8/07/2017-5:45 13/02/2018 I am feeling as if nothing would could should ever change,
cannot think cannot write properly, all of this means nothing
nothing means anything at all
so disgusting, so horrible, a pest, a little piece of disgusting humanity
limping around pretending
terrible hair
terrible height
terrible composure
disgusting expressions
the least imposing build I have ever seen
It all means nothing really, and at the same time
I could not be more bothered by it
But it does not matter BUT IT DOES AND it does not all at the same time
but to me it matters a lot though it should not
because I am going to get hurt
I am going to suffer
The best way for mediocre and pathetic and average and unpeople like me
is not to expect anything, ever. SOMetimes I want to punch my face so hard
or throw myself at full force to the wall, or SIMPLY STOP EXISTING WHY is it so hard at moments
I do not even feel sad
I love feeling special in my averageness, and I hate it when special people try to be me
Trying to "nihilise" things, they have their lives, they have their special ones, but still they try to feel sad because they themselves suck so much oh my god I really hate them why do they have to exist I wish they did not exist that way I could be really unique in my unimportantness, they have their pills and their non existent sicknesess pretending that nothing matters while showing that everything matters to them
THEY ARE LIERS
THEY LOVE PEOPLE, THEN THEY SAY THAT NOTHING HAS MEANING
THEN THEY GO TO WORK, THEN THEY DO THEIR stupid things oh god my body itches
it itches with anger ANGer and RAGE and I do not know why I have this stupid face and anything else matters. THEY ARE SO FAKE THEY DO NOT KNOW ANYTHING
I really HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HATE THEM
I sometimes want to make my face disappear in a non-painful way
Sometimes I have the most beautiful thoughts about everything
And I think I will be this important person who is an engineer and that knows a lot of math
That is my dream sometimes, sometimes I can truly believe that
Sometimes I want to stop writing.
at all, because that is the best way of coping with mediocrity, to believe it all is something SO so so important but it isnt you just suck so much but you cant accept it, you have to pin the blame onto something or someone else and try to procrastinate as much as you can because that way you dont have to deal with being such a failure you can just say "I haven't even tried" but in reality you knew it, all along you knew you didn't have the abilities you didnt stand a chance at being someone useful to someone, my only usefulness right now is that my mother loves me and I have to be alive so that she is not sad, and I have to fulfil that role, but sometimes it is tiring because either she is stupid or she is blind or she is just the biggest and evilest lier there is in this world and she tells me everything I know to be true is a lie, and I hate it, it makes me want to believe again, to be loved by a girl, to practice sports, but no one will love me, no one and maybe it all comes down to it, I am incable of being loved because I suck so much, I truly am a good for nothing human being, the only thing I am good at is at being stepped on and to please people, nothing else every other characteristic I possess is just plain bad and horrible and stupid. Nothing relevant physically, a doormat, A zero, a fucking loser oh my God I am such a loser, I pretend to be smart, I pretend to be better but I am worse than all of them, I really exist just to make people seem better than they are, I exist to make things easier to everyone but me. THANK YOU SO MUCH
2016-04-12
2013-05-04
basurats
todos los jóvenes son basura.
chica grande
fea bonita
pero la juventud cristiana?
esa supera en
niveles bacanes
el nivel de
basura que existe
en los jovenes
que no son c
ristianos ro
naldo
2011-12-26
no piensen que no me incluyo
personas "artísticas, conceptuales, subjetivas",
"mírenme soy raro, se lo diré a todo el mundo y me sacaré fotos de hipster",
"oh creo que me salió una rima, soy un poeta",
"se me cayó algo de pintura y quedó en una forma rara, soy un pintor conceptual",
"hago cosas distintas a los demás, soy un freaki"
"puedo unir notas musicales y ponerles un ritmo, soy todo un músico"
"oh mi caca tiene una forma rara, le sacaré una foto, la subiré y seré todo un "loco""
y lo peor es cuando se creen tanto el cuento de su artisticidad, que les pasa lo clásico de creer
que lo que hacen está por sobre el entendimiento humano, así que cualquier comentario negativo
lo toman como "no me entiende, no está a mi nivel artístico"
entiendan que nadie es realmente especial, todos tenemos cosas distintas, el problema es
el querer figurar, el querer hacer notar la supuesta "autenticidad" que cada uno tiene.
y digo problema porque no entiendo el porqué hacer notar lo que somos.
es casi un problema de ego,
ya que es casi implorar a los demás que nos digan lo que piensan
y ahí es cuando perdemos la autenticidad, cuando para sentirnos bien con nosotros
necesitamos hacerle notar a los demás lo que nos hace distintos, en vez de sentirse bien
con nosotros mismos solo por ser nosotros mismos.
no es de picado con la sociedad o la gente, es por aburrido y porque creo que es verdad
(otherwise no lo estaría escribiendo). no me excluyo, tampoco digo que soy el que más hace eso
(como hacen algunos cuando dan testimonio, sabiendo que no es así), solo quisiera que saliéramos de eso.
"mírenme soy raro, se lo diré a todo el mundo y me sacaré fotos de hipster",
"oh creo que me salió una rima, soy un poeta",
"se me cayó algo de pintura y quedó en una forma rara, soy un pintor conceptual",
"hago cosas distintas a los demás, soy un freaki"
"puedo unir notas musicales y ponerles un ritmo, soy todo un músico"
"oh mi caca tiene una forma rara, le sacaré una foto, la subiré y seré todo un "loco""
y lo peor es cuando se creen tanto el cuento de su artisticidad, que les pasa lo clásico de creer
que lo que hacen está por sobre el entendimiento humano, así que cualquier comentario negativo
lo toman como "no me entiende, no está a mi nivel artístico"
entiendan que nadie es realmente especial, todos tenemos cosas distintas, el problema es
el querer figurar, el querer hacer notar la supuesta "autenticidad" que cada uno tiene.
y digo problema porque no entiendo el porqué hacer notar lo que somos.
es casi un problema de ego,
ya que es casi implorar a los demás que nos digan lo que piensan
y ahí es cuando perdemos la autenticidad, cuando para sentirnos bien con nosotros
necesitamos hacerle notar a los demás lo que nos hace distintos, en vez de sentirse bien
con nosotros mismos solo por ser nosotros mismos.
no es de picado con la sociedad o la gente, es por aburrido y porque creo que es verdad
(otherwise no lo estaría escribiendo). no me excluyo, tampoco digo que soy el que más hace eso
(como hacen algunos cuando dan testimonio, sabiendo que no es así), solo quisiera que saliéramos de eso.
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